I've had to work too much lately to dedicate enough time on The Wooden Leg but this week I've actually had some time off to kick back and relax.

Of course, with me being a Finn and all, that has meant drinking. And forget all they told you at AA, I am relaxed. I've been the perfect drunken gentleman and just spent time with friends, new and old.

A few days off in a row don't really help squat when your social life is about six months behind. I've been trying to see people and juggle all kinds of engagements and playing Tetris with my calendar. But the thing with real life Tetris is that when you stack a full row of meetings it doesn't disappear! All those years of Tetris didn't prepare me to real life after all!

However, I'm dedicating TODAY as TWL day and I'll try to get ahead a bit too. Having to make the updates really quick has sucked because I want to provide quality art really, really bad jokes! For the last week I haven't been proud of my updates, because the art has been "pissed running" (a literal translation of a Finnish expression. Think about it, it's a wonderful expression! Start using it today!) and the jokes have been ...um... not the usual quality.

Next week will be madness again, so I'll get a little ahead today and you can have your twice weekly dose of TWL the way you like it.

Keep on keeping on!

Yeay!

My on-the-spot cocktail recipe was just published in the V magazine.

Their writer asked me for something for an article about flavored vodkas and I had the whole of a minute to think and the cocktail really works, too!

I couldn't come up with a great name on the spot, though, so the writer just named it after my name tag. It says Liekki (Flame), because that's what they call me at work on account of there being another Harri who was there before me.

Anywhooo, here it is:

Liekki
3 cl habanero infused vodka
1cl Creme de Cassis (de Dijon, preferably)
1cl freshly squeezed lime juice
Cranberry juice

Served in a grog glass with ice and garnished with a cluster of redcurrants.

For you home chemists, you can get a habanero chili at your local Stockan Herkku and put half of one in slices inside a bottle of vodka and just leave it there for a week or two. If you're not planning to drink it all at one afterparty, you might want to filter the habanero out of the vodka so it doesn't get insanely strong.

Oh, and when you handle habanero, you might consider wearing gloves or at the very least washing your hands really really carefully afterwards, that is, _before_ going to the bathroom(!), rubbing your eyes, picking your nose, having sex(!) or whatever. It is going to hurt if you don't, and I'm not talking about the good kind of pain.

Really, I'm not.

Keep on keeping on!

You know how the media is always blaming bands for suicides, murders, murder-suicides and new hairstyles?

This kid must've jumped off the bridge because he was listening to Marilyn Manson.

These two girls met through a HIM fansite and took a long walk on a short pier, so let's blame the nakkisiili. Nakkisiili (Wiener Hedgehog) is the favorite dish of Gas Lipstick, the HIM drummer, made by inserting several wieners into a larger sausage and covering the whole thing with cheese, and I can't fucking believe google can't find a single photograph of the famous nakkisiili!

Back to the subject. You know what I mean.

Lizzie, 16, offed herself wearing a Britney T-shirt, with a Britney cd in her Diskman, a brand new bald head and Britney drug problem to match, but, hey, nobody would ever make a connection between those! Nooo, it's always metal music. Oh, but that girl has a MySpace friend request from Brutallica, a Slovenian Metallica tribute band consisting of three 15 year old zit faces! So, the friendly rev'rend Mittchell tells the parents to sue James Hetfield, because it's obviously his fault.

By the way, the friendly rev'rend Mittchell was a real good friend and great support to li'l Lizzie and it's just appalling to think it would've been he who got her pregnant.

Who am I criticizing, now? The media? Church? Suiciders? Britney? Wearing your boots over your pant sleeves?

I don't even know anymore. Take your pick. They're all appalling.

Anyway, if I was planning to do myself in, I'd definitely make it impossible not to connect that with, hummm, let's say Crazy Frog! You know, just as a last little Fuck You to whoever is responsible for that abomination. And hey, I understand anyone listening to Crazy Frog wanting to waste themselves, anyway.

As for The Wooden Leg news, I made a contribution to Manatee Art yesterday, but you'll also see it with tomorrow's update.

Keep on keeping on!

Modern Love is featuring a "rip-off" from The Wooden Leg today!

There are similar "rip-offs" from Dinosaur Comics and A Softer World so far. And the one from TWL is based on this comic!

I think it's a great idea using cartoons to create new cartoons. And yes, he, of course, asked first.

Keep on keeping on.

I promised something funny for you today, but I'm just not in a creative mood, so here's a joke:

Two college graduates meet on a dusty, country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled chickens.
"Chickens, eh?" says his friend. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag. "You guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

"Um...five?"

Keep on keeping on.

It's been a while, again. But I've been doing a lot of things. Working like a bee (not like a dog, dogs mostly seem to lay around the yard or just play with things that go squeek), traveling a bit and yesterday I got a new computer. The last one obviously put a big hindrance to updating The Wooden Leg yesterday, but now we're back on track.

The new computer is the coolest thing. I even get digital TV on it! Do you get digi-TV on your computer?? Yeah, I didn't think so!

On the road, and yes, also on the john, I've had some time to read. I've finished three books in the past week.

Bored of the Rings was funny, but not quite Terry Pratchett. But when is a parody book based on just one book as good as something based on a whole genre? It had it moments, though, and I don't regret reading it at all.

The Game by Neil Strauss was good too. I've known a little something something about the community in my time, so it was interesting to read personal experiences of and about the people in there. Although I have my very own one-itis now, too, it was a great read.

Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things was a collection of short stories most of which were great! The last one was about Shadow, the character in American Gods.

"Meeting" Shadow again made me think. When you read a good story, and arrive at the end of it, you know you're going to miss the heroes and even the villains in it. Finishing a good book is always a thrill but also it's a sort of sad moment, having to say good bye to the characters you've just learned to know and love.

Heck, I promised to be funny. Remember the scene in Matrix? The one with the spoon? Yeah, there is no fork. (Thanks, Anttu.)

I'm sorry I don't have more time for funny business right now, so I'll have to settle for this for now, and write more tomorrow. Oh yes.

Keep on keeping on!

Also, it will have nothing to do with TWL. Sorry about that.

Why is it that every time a friend of mine bites it, it makes the front page?

Why is it that every time I hear about it, it's way too early in the morning to deal with something like that?

A text message just woke me. Sebastian who's been missing since the 9th, was found dead in Töölönlahti bay. Apparently, no crime is involved. I don't know much about the details yet. Just heard. And of course, it's hard to go back to sleep after reading something like that.

It's not like time is of the essence when someone's dead. Hard to do anything about it at this point. I know this sounds cold, but it wouldn't have made a difference to let me sleep for a few more hours before dropping the bad news on me. Ok, now I'm just lashing out. Sorry about that, too.

Anyway. Dear friends, acquaintances, relatives, co-workers, old shags and boyfriends of old shags: Keep passing the open windows.

Thanks.

Oh boy. It's certainly been a while. Over a month. In that time a lot has happened, TWL-wise.

There's over 10 000 hits on the site by now. I made the calendars. The 50th TWL gag was a big hit. I had almost 800 hits on one day. I opened a ComicSpace and a MySpace for TWL, and I've had a lot of great feedback on both.

All this makes me feel fantastic!

But still... there's something else that makes me feel even better. You know who you are.

"Windy, isn't it?"
"No, it's Thursday."
"So am I, let's go to the pub."

Keep on keepin' on.

Have you ever realized "son of a bitch" must be the funniest thing your mother can call you?

I decided to make a standing table calendar for next year, with 12 brand spanking new TWL jokes in FINNISH! I've had a few jokes that are intranslatable for a while, and I just need to come up with a few more during the next week. I'll even sign the first hundred (as if I'm actually selling a hundred of the things) with any dedication you like, so what could possibly be a better Xmas gift for any Finnish speaker? I ask you, what?

Email me to thewoodenleg (at) gmail dot com for more info. The price is a measly 18 euros.

Twat?!?!? I cunt hear you, i have an ear infucktion, I'll finger it out later!

Keep on keepin' on.

A couple of days ago I read in the magazine about a woman who was dumped by the prime minister of Finland after a nine month relationship. She told the leading tabloid of Finland everything about how bad she feels and how she wants the guy back, and also that apparently her giving interviews was what broke them up.

You think giving another interview is the ticket to winning him back? Hello?

Many of my three readers will also know about the situation with Brunberg Kisses (Brunbergin suukot).

Brunberg Kisses are popular chocolate candy thingies. They used to be called Neekerinsuukko, which means Negro's Kiss. And since the word in either language has developed a bit of a negative connotation and the name was debated in the media, Brunberg voluntarily changed the name to just Kisses a couple of years ago. The box looks like this:



Okay, enough background. Now someone complained to the officials that the picture of the two black kids dancing should be banned.

If they're banned, I'd reeeeally like to know why. The arguments, as far as I've read, are the fact they are wearing earrings and skimpy clothing, which suggests a tropical atmosphere. Errr... So?

But that's not all! The disgrace! The humiliation! These cartoon characters have been drawn with... I can't even say it... Eyebrows!

Seriously. I'm very much against racism but this is fucking ridiculous.

Is it still ok to draw the likeness of an Asian person? What about Aboriginals? Swedes?

And what about the Monopoly guy? A caricatured rich white guy! Why doesn't anyone rise to the barricades???

The word neekeri is dated Finnish and it just means a black person, but as I said it's dated and if the people it refers to don't want it to be used, I'm fine with using whichever term they prefer. I mean, it IS useful for when you're describing someone to have a term. I don't mind being politically correct. Sometimes being PC is positively hilarious (ie. stuff like "horizontally challenged").

There is a line, not even a thin line, a fat line, between being politically correct and politically anal. Going over-board like this is pulling the rug from under a thing that was originally intended for good.

This way any racist can say any offence taken at their racism is just political correctness gone mad.

You can tell you're being politically anal when you use terms like "visually challenged" for a blind person who is by definition visually incapable, not challenged, or say someone who eats way too much for their own good and doesn't excercise is height and weight disproportionate. The first is a misnomer, because it's just not descriptive and the latter leads to believe they can't do anything about it.

Saying vertically challenged instead of for example midget, that I can understand, because midget is offensive and it's really a thing you can't do anything about, unlike fat. Which also is derogatory, sure, but most morbidly obese people really could do something about it.

Back to Brunberg. I was starting to stray. What should be depicted on the box? Why not two kids dancing, whatever their skintone? Brown skin just happens to coincide with the color of the chocolate. My friend pointed out they maybe should make white chocolate Kisses with little kissing skinheads on the box. With Vitberg as the manufacturer, not BRUNberg.

The Wooden Leg News in short. The mailing list updates, the website updates and the cartoon updates have all in turn been quirky lately, due to the alcohol consumption of the author, among other things, but I'll try to be more focused from now on. It's just that I have a life and all that, and it keeps getting in the way. Additionally, the map's not working. I have hits in the stats from places not marked on the map, and a couple of dots on the map from places I haven't been hit from. But, it's an ok approximation, so, still, I'll let it be there until I think of something more fun to put in it's place. Ideas will be appreciated.

"She is not a 'screamer' or a 'moaner', she is 'vocally appreciative'. She is not 'easy', she's 'horizontally accessible'."

Keep on keeping on.